Contributor's Corner: Killed By a Horror Franchise
During the dawn of Viddy Well, we asked each interested contributor to fill out the same questionnaire. The questions spanned from grave to goofy, but the replies were nearly always unexpected. This week we'll take a look at the following question:
If you could be killed by one horror film franchise, what would it be and why?
I almost said Saw because I thought to myself, "Well maybe I'll have learned some kind of goddammned lesson before dying." But then, I remembered how slow and torturous some of those deaths are and instantly changed my mind. A lot of horror film franchises deal with demons and that's a big NOPE for me. I'm gonna pick the Alien franchise because I'm not gonna go out like a sucker, and I'd try to be as badass as Ripley. Key word, try.
My knee-jerk is to say Halloween, but let's be honest, chances are you'd wind up as some rube with a shotgun through your gut in the depths of the "post 3+" stage of the franchise. Let's go with Evil Dead. I'd rather be vivisected than eaten.
Ahhhh fuck! This is so hard. I love Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Halloween because they are just amazing but I’m choosing Scream for sentimental reasons. This was one of the first, if not THE first horror movie I saw firsthand coming up. I didn't really get a chance to appreciate the former until I got older and understood that those and many others paved the way for the new era franchises. In the moment, Scream was it for me. I was scared shitless that people would get them a Ghostface mask and recreate the murders in real life. Final Destination is a strong contender as well.
"Oh, I love that horror movie with the killer that gives his victims a quick painless death," said no horror fan ever. There's really not a good way to go in these types of movies. Hmmm...I guess I'll take death from one of those busty Hammer movie vampires. Awake or asleep, I wouldn't mind.
I'm going to assume this means by a character and not a giant stack of DVDS. I'm either going to say Alien or the X-Files. I just really would like to be proven there's extra-terrestrial life and then immediately get a slimey-spiked tail rammed through my chest so I could go into the big DMT trip in the sky knowing I was giving birth to our nebulous neighbors. I find that learning something massively important about our universe -- even in the final moments -- is worth more than getting paid a visit by the rapping "In the Hood" iteration of the Leprechaun. Plus, seeing Siggy Weaves or Gilly Ands wouldn't be the worst last image for my stupid eyes.
I'd die in Evil Dead. Just so I'd lose my mind and have some silly unpredictable things happen before I get killed.
I'd go with Dawn of the Dead. I think it'd be dope to be ripped apart by zombies and see the them chow down on my still warm entrails while I'm still alive. It'd also be trippy to go out Freddy Kruger style, but I'll still go zombies. At least I can hole up in the mall and have a little fun before I get sieged.
Which horror franchise would you be slain by? We want to know. Share your thoughts and feelings in the comments section below, and as always, remember to viddy well!